LOVE AS DEBT

“Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another.” (Romans 13:7-8)

Kierkegaard paraphrases St. Paul: “Owe no man anything, what you have borrowed from him, what you have promised him, what he rightfully may demand of you in return. If possible, owe no man anything, no obligation, no service, no sympathy in joy or sorrow, no leniency in judging, no help in life, no advice in dangers, no sacrifice, even the most difficult – no, in all these things owe no man anything. But nevertheless be in debt which amid all this you have by no means desired to get out of and before God have by no means been able to pay off, the debt of love to one another….Usually we think the task is to get out of debt, whatever the debt is, a money debt, a debt of honor, a debt involving a promise – in short, whatever the debt is the task is always rather to get out of debt, the sooner the better. But here it should be the task, therefore an honor, to be in debt.” (Works of Love)

Now I must say that I find this idea unsettling. I do not like to be in debt to anyone. I do not like to be beholden to anyone. It is much easier to believe that “It is more blessed to give than to receive”! My egotistical nature wants to be self-sufficient, independent, and not to be in debt. I was raised by parents who warned me about getting into debt. There was a pride in being able to pay your bills when they were due and not past due. But such an attitude can keep us from feeling any obligation to others. We feel that we do not owe them anything, so we keep our distance from them. Such distancing can prevent us from getting to know them, and can protect us from caring for them.

There are some people we feel obligated to repay the debt of love we owe them. We may feel that we are in debt to our parents, because our parents have loved us first. They brought us into the world, they cared for us in infancy, they nurtured us, they fed and clothed us, and supported us through our childhood and youth as we went to school, and matured into adulthood. We have photos of ourselves in their arms, and by their sides as we grew up. We may have wanted to repay them for their love. But love cannot be repaid. To think of love in this way is to compare it with a bookkeeping relationship – a bill is submitted and it must be paid; if love was shown to us, it must be repaid with love. We cannot think of coming into debt by receiving love. Sometimes needy parents feel that their children owe them some consideration as they age. Sometimes we may feel that our children owe us. But St. Paul is not talking here of repaying the debt of love. There is no way we can repay, for loving others is a debt that can never be satisfied. It is in loving others that we come into a debt that can never be calculated.

Why are we obligated to love others? “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers….This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him…Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”

There is never a time when we can say that we have fulfilled our debt to love one another. If Christ is in us, then his love is lived through us. We can never stop loving somebody and say, ‘I have loved enough.’ Just as there is never a time when we can say that God has loved us enough and he does not have to love us anymore. God loves us to the end and beyond. As John records Jesus’s attitude to his disciples at the Last Supper: “Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the last.” He loves us at our worst. He loves the world in its messiness, its rebellion, its rejection of him. He loves those who hate him. We can do no less. We have an infinite debt to love one another.

Does this mean that others have a blank check on our love? No. Does this mean that there are no limits to what others can draw on our love? No. We are called to love our neighbor ‘as ourselves’, not more than ourselves. To love others more than yourself would mean that you would be unwilling to refuse them anything they asked, even if you think it is harmful. To love others more than yourself would be to put them on a pedestal as someone to be idolized. That would be blasphemy. It is not love to indulge human weakness, or a demand, or blackmail that love will be withheld. Love for others does not mean fulfilling all their desires and needs. Our love for others is determined by what would constitute proper care and prevent possible harm. That may mean denying requests for money from an alcoholic, or drug addict, who would use the funds for their habit. It may mean confronting a spouse who is obsessing about an issue that is consuming him, or abusive in their behavior.

Love for others does not require us to beggar ourselves. We must care for ourselves, and maintain ourselves so that we can continue to love others. We can only love others if we have something to give. Love may require sacrifice, even self-denial, but it does not mean being reduced to having to depend upon others because we have exhausted our own resources in trying to help others. Governments that overspend in order to provide welfare benefits have to overtax or borrow to avoid being accused of lack of love or concern are irresponsible.

We are able to love others because the Author of our life is also the Source of love in us. God has loved us first. God is the origin and source of the love in us which we are called to share with others. We can only love because we are loved. We cannot love from our own resources, on our own initiative. We are given love to give to others. Therefore we can pay this debt from God’s bank of love. He gives us a line of credit on his love. We can draw on it all we want to give love to others.

Jesus said, “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” Just as Jesus drew on the love of his Father to love others, so we can draw on the love of Jesus to love others. This is the difference between a disciple of Christ and a humanist ethical person. The believer in Christ does not rely on his own strength to love others. He calls upon the empowering of the Holy Spirit. “God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us.”

In what currency is the debt of love to be paid? It is the currency Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13:4,5 – “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Practically speaking, it means that whomever we meet in this life, whomever we have occasion to relate to, we, as the followers of Christ, acknowledge that we have a debt to pay to them – to love them. We owe them, whomever they are, however casual the acquaintance, the obligation of our love. We can never say that we owe them nothing. This attitude characterized Jesus. It is why people were struck by him, were drawn to him. He treated people with love. It did not matter who they were: a servant, a prostitute, a nobleman, a foreigner, a rich man or a poor man. He treated them all the same – with love. We are expected to do no less.

GUIDE FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

1. Why is it an honor to be in debt to love our neighbor?

2. Why is it easier to believe that it is more blessed to give than to receive?

3. How does the belief that we do not owe others anything distance ourselves from them?

4. What people have you wanted to repay for their love? What is the danger of comparing relationships with bookkeeping?

5. Read 1 John 3:16;4:9,11. Why are we obligated to love others?

6. How does God’s example prevent us from claiming that we have loved enough?

7. What does the distinction to love our neighbor ‘as ourselves’ and not more than ourselves mean to you?

8. “We must care for ourselves, and maintain ourselves so that we can continue to love others.” How does this affect how we can love others who selfishly demand more than we can handle?

9. How can we draw on God’s bank of love?

10. How does the example of Jesus affect how we love others?